Time to change my glasses.

Top ten statements that are myths in your life but perceptible reality elsewhere:
1. You are never alone.
2. This too shall pass.
3. Everyone has a perfect moment that will change their life (Perfect?).
4. There is always one perfect song for everyone (One?).
5. Friendships are forever.
6. If you really wish for something intensely enough, the universe will conspire to deliver it in your lap.
7. If you really feel something intensely enough, people around you will read your mind and your thoughts.
8. Life begins after forty (I would like to think that is no myth).
9. People change for the better.
10. Retail therapy is the best therapy.

Time

Pink Floyd --> The Dark Side of the Moon --> Alan Parsons --> this .

Visions.

Morning sunshine on the dewy grass,
gentle breeze caressing the blue waters-
notes of unadulterated joy in this heart,
the fragrant soil still, under your lotus feet.

Words.

I open my mouth to speak,
those words that refuse to come out.
They play all day in my head,
they mock my helplessness.
Speech becomes an impediment,
a gift so far taken for granted.
An ear to listen is too much to ask for,
my stories remain in the dark hidden.
Sound translated into ink is solace,
for a reluctant soul in denial.
This prison in black and blue,
is my gateway to redemption.

~High Hopes~

"Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There's a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road we've been so many times"

Just like that.

"A thing of beauty is a joy forever". Cliche, I know.

I wish Keats had written something about a thing of beauty causing a strange feeling, quite unparalleled in its nature. An inexplicable emotion bordering on pain over the lack of outlet to express that tumultuous wave of simultaneous joy and wistful longing, that might sadly never materialise and see the light of day.

Maybe he has, and I remain ignorant.

Expression - how unfortunate, that it is sometimes so severely handicapped and limited even in all its magnificent expanse.

Short and sweet(?)- #04

Voices from far away,
dormant wishes awaken.
A flame much brighter,
new-born whims grow.
Organized chaos.

Short and sweet(?) - #03

Everything that you believe in
will crash and dissolve one day,
shattering and disappearing
into sweet oblivion.
And from this rubble of nothingness
shall arise your new world,
renewed and brimming with vigor
new life, new breath.
Faith untouched and invigorated,
the umbilical cord that is hope
in place, nourishing and protecting
everything that you believe in.

Morning musings- #01

Feeling ever so isolated
from the rest of the crowd,
she trudges on forward
apprehension and doubt growing inside.

The Inner Voice subdued
but not dead,
shades of gray transform into blue and green
sometimes fiercesome hues of red.

Her hands are tightly clasped
she takes in a deep breath,
and walks up to the girl by the pillar
feeling a complete conversational klutz.

A moment passes,
and then two.
A laugh escapes her lips when she hears
"Oh you are like me,too!"

They share talks and walks
their fears and dreams.
They wonder about the future and what lies ahead
while watching the faraway sun behind the trees.

Sisters by bond beyond blood,
from different mothers.
An understanding so deep,
their friendship has transcended words.

For everything under the skies
she needs to look for no one,
her sister- a call, a letter away-
she no longer feels lonesome.

But life is so full of surprises
some are good and some not,
its endearing quality of leaving one dazed
with things beyond comprehension.

What naivety, to take things for granted
an unauthorized,unlawful liberty.
Human folly and erroneous judgement
never seem to cease with time and experience.

In sudden realization and a moment of truth
the bond lies broken and crushed by time.
All the dreams dissolving into nothingness,
scattered and lost in the sorrowful winds.

Change is the only constant
broken hearts and broken dreams are soon mended.
The hope and longing for a kindred spirit
remain forgotten in the chasms of the heart.

Dormant they are better off
never to be stoked and kindled again.
'tis a dangerous thing
to be so deep and unified in spirit.

But there is a refusal of acceptance
to subdue these very impulses,
try as hard as one may
they throb in silence and await a revival.

I bide my time in silence
watching moments fly in a rush,
people walk in and walk out
some leave footprints behind and some just vanish.

Etched they remain in memories
silent remnants of a wonderful past,
How many more shall come and go, I wonder ,
all this transience magnified and overwhelming.

Still feeling ever so isolated
from the rest of the crowd,
I trudge on forward
feeling oddly at peace and a silent resignation.

The Inner Voice speaks to me
stronger and wiser.
A pervasive light in me, glowing bright
telling me I am not alone after all.

I watch someone approaching me,
a conversational wizard.
"Oh, you are so like me!"
...
There's more to me than meets the eye.

The two way glass

A drive. A really long one.

That was what I was embarking on one night.

I drove on and on till I lost track of where I was. I didn't know where I was headed to, and frankly, I didn't care either.

This was my liberation. At least that was what I would have liked it to be.

The sky was dark. A beautiful pitch black. It made the stars seem like tiny solitaires, gleaming away in serene silence. The moon was peeking out from behind mournful clouds. I had music on, as always. 

Suddenly, everything seemed to disappear in front of my eyes. Before I could realize, the stars and the moon and the clouds- they were all gone. There were no more buildings on the sides. No more people walking the streets. An empty dimly lit stretch greeted me. 

I continued driving, though. I didn't want to stop. The fear of the unknown held no place in thought. 

I seemed to be in a tunnel that seemed to last forever. The car glided along noiselessly. I looked at my sides. There was glass covering the entire tunnel. I saw my reflection looking back at me.

Then that vanished too.

I saw my parents. My mother cooing to me, a bundle in her arms. I noticed the tears glistening in her eyes. 

I saw my father teaching me to walk, his large hand holding on to my tiny fingers gently.

I saw my grandmother telling me stories at night, brushing away strands of hair from my face.

I saw my little brother in the cradle and I saw me kissing him on his forehead.

I saw my first teacher at school handing me out candy for something I had written correctly on the chalkboard.

I saw my first friend waving me goodbye as I left town.

I saw the first glimpse of pain on my face as I lay hurt on the sports field.

I saw the first scar from a sister-brother fight.

I saw the cards that my friends gave for my 11th birthday when I had to leave town again.

I closed my eyes. I didn't think I wanted to see what was going to come after that. But the images wouldn't stop.

I saw my best friend the day we first met.

I saw all the posters I made for the middle school display board.

I saw the report cards handed out for my academic excellence.

I saw the Himalayas again and I saw my mother beckoning to me. She wanted to show me those lovely flowers that bloomed only in the hills.

I saw myself looking at the empty valleys below and wondering what life there would be like.

I saw my mother being taken away on her final journey.

I saw my best friend lose herself to drugs.

I saw all the wonderful people who came to be an important part of my life.

I saw our college, and its lawns and all the coffee and the talks.

I saw the loss of more friends.

I saw the first sign of bonding in my brother's eyes when I left home.

I saw myself..alone.

I stopped the car. 

Ahead of me , the glass on the sides was still showing images. 

I turned the car around and drove away. From everything that was waiting for me.

I was back in my mother's arms, a helpless thing bundled up in blankets.

That's where I wanted to be.

Short and sweet(?) - #01

Sometimes, it is better to let go than hold on.


(Such a cliche but I have a reason for posting this)
Toodles!

Zapped!

So here I am sitting and typing away another post for my blog, which has no followers(Whee!). I'm supposed to be working on my thesis and doing productive stuff that grad students are expected to do. But then I've never been a good student. Superficialities aside, it is the truth. I may pretend to be a sincere, devoted workaholic. All I am in reality is someone who craves to do nothing but sit and stare at the ceiling. I know it is the hardest thing to do but it is easier than putting your brain to work on something that you don't care much about any more.
When I get into a mind freeze(which happens ONLY when I'm working), I let it wander everywhere. What a paradox. Isn't it weird how you think about everything under the sun and still feel like you aren't thinking about anything! I fantasize about writing poetry again, being in absolute solitude, listening to soul lifting music, sometimes a world tour too! And dreaming about things does make me happy. It is probably a small consolation for the emptiness that surrounds me now. It's always great to think, "Well, someday I could be the one skydiving just like HE is now." You get the idea.
When you are alone and you have nothing to do, you also tend to bring out the worse attributes inside you. And then,people see a whole new you. Suddenly, things that seemed like the end of the world dissolve into nothingness. You hear people complaining about say, pathetic morning coffee, or cheating boyfriends, or an overcrowded bus. And it goes six feet over your head. Suddenly, it doesn't matter at all. All the blemishes of reality seem inconsequential. You are so lost in this Utopia you have constructed in your head that everything that is apparently negative is not worth a second thought. You keep telling yourself that all that is real is not going to last. What happens today, is gone with today. Tomorrow, you may be too ill to drink coffee. Your boyfriend might leave you for good. Anything could happen.
Well, I guess I've deviated from my point. come to think of it, I never had a point to begin with. This was another session of mind freeze and my mind went all the way round the Milky Way. Now I'm brought back to reality and all these simulation designs stare back at me. And I realize I've work to get back to. It was nice talking to you all. Wait, there is no one! Anywho, see you around.